Smile Saturday: The Better English??

With my pathetic English…. this ought to make life much easier….lol

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as “Euro-English”. In the first year, “s” will replace the soft “c”. Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard “c” will be dropped in favour of “k”. This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome “ph” will be replaced with “f”. This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.

Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.

Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent “e” in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing “th” with “z” and “w” with “v”.

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary “o” kan be dropd from vords kontaining “ou” and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensi bl riten styl.

Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.

Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.

If zis mad you smil, pleas pas on to oza pepl.

Have a great weekend everyone :-)

Cheerio…

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***

Elai

Gagay

Smile Saturday: Deadbolt

I found this while clearing out my email today.. if this isn’t a deadbolt situation,  I don’t know what is..lol!

Boss said to secretary: For a week we will go abroad, so make arrangement.

Secretary make call to Husband: For a week my boss and I will be going abroad, you look after yourself.

Husband make call to secret lover: My wife is going abroad for a week, so lets spend the week together.

Secret lover make call to small boy whom she is giving private tution: I have work for a week, so you need not come for class.

Small boy make call to his grandfather: Grandpa, for a week I don’t have class ‘coz my teacher is busy. Let’s spend the week together.

Grandpa(the 1st boss ;) ) make call to his secretary: This week I am spending my time with my grandson. We cannot attend that meeting.

Secretary make call to her husband: This week my boss has some work, we cancelled our trip.

Husband make call to secret lover: We cannot spend this week together, my wife has cancelled her trip.

Secret lover make call to small boy whom she is giving private tution: This week we will have class as usual.

Small boy make call to his grandfather: Grandpa, my teacher said this week I have to attend class. Sorry I can’t give you company.

Grandpa make call to his secretary: Don’t worry this week we will attend that meeting, so make arrangement.

… round and round we go… lol!… Have a great weekend all!

Cheerio…

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Monica

Smile Saturday: The Most Functional English Word!!

Well, it’s SHIT … that’s right, SHIT!

Shit may just be the most functional word in the English language.

You can smoke shit, buy shit, sell shit, lose shit, find shit, forget shit, and tell others to eat shit.

Some people know their shit, while others can’t tell the difference between shit and shineola.

There are lucky shits, dumb shits, and crazy shits. There is bull shit, horse shit, and chicken shit.

You can throw shit, sling shit, catch shit, shoot the shit, or duck when the shit hits the fan.

You can give a shit or serve shit on a shingle.

You can find yourself in deep shit or be happier than a pig in shit.

Some days are colder than shit, some days are hotter than shit, and some days are just plain shitty.

Some music sounds like shit, things can look like shit, and there are times when you feel like shit.

You can have too much shit, not enough shit, the right shit, the wrong shit or a lot of weird shit.

You can carry shit, have a mountain of shit, or find yourself up shit creek without a paddle.

Sometimes everything you touch turns to shit and other times you fall in a bucket of shit and come out smelling like a rose.

When you stop to consider all the facts, it’s the basic building block of the English language.

And remember, once you know your shit, you don’t need to know anything else!!

You could pass this along, if you give a shit; or not do so if you don’t give a shit!

Well, Shit, it’s time for me to go. Just wanted you to know that I do give a shit and hope you had a nice day, without a bunch of shit. But, if you happened to catch a load of shit from some shit-head………..

Well, Shit Happens!!!

Cheerio…

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***

Mariuca

Ane

Motorcyle Lighting with a Unique Brand **

Need I say more?

Cheerio…

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? ? ?
Monica
Mariuca

Me, Multimillionaire? *

I found this quiz over at Ane’s blog and thought it be nice to see what are my chances.. lol.. check it out people!!

Your Chances of Being a Multimillionaire: 72%

You have a good chance of being a multimillionaire. Better than most people. You simply have a natural knack for money. You have the perfect personality for success.

Will You Be a Multimillionaire?

Cheerio…

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Meow Diaries

Stress Test *

Tell me.. Are the patterns moving?
Or are they perfectly still??

The patterns are used to test the
Level of stress a person can handle..

The slower the pictures move, the
Better your ability of handling stress.

Alleged criminals that were tested
See them spinning around madly.

However, senior citizens and kids
See them standing still.

None of these images are animated
– they are perfectly still.

For me…. I see them moving slowly!!

Cheerio…

First Commenter Gets Linky Love from LadyJava.
Thanks for all your comments

Mariuca

Saturday Joke - Scrabble

This has got to be one of the cleverest e-mails I’ve received in awhile. Someone out there either has too much spare time or is deadly at Scrabble. I don’t agree at all with the last one though but it’s kinda funny…

DORMITORY:
When you rearrange the letters:
DIRTY ROOM

ASTRONOMER:
When you rearrange the letters:
MOON STARER

DESPERATION:
When you rearrange the letters:
A ROPE ENDS IT

THE EYES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THEY SEE

GEORGE BUSH:
When you rearrange the letters:
HE BUGS GORE

THE MORSE CODE :
When you rearrange the letters:
HERE COME DOTS

SLOT MACHINES:
When you rearrange the letters:
CASH LOST IN ME

ANIMOSITY:
When you rearrange the letters:
IS NO AMITY

ELECTION RESULTS:
When you rearrange the letters:
LIES – LET’S RECOUNT

SNOOZE ALARMS:
When you rearrange the letters:
ALAS! NO MORE Z ‘S

A DECIMAL POINT:
When you rearrange the letters:
IM A DOT IN PLACE

THE EARTHQUAKES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THAT QUEER SHAKE

ELEVEN PLUS TWO:
When you rearrange the letters:
TWELVE PLUS ONE

AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE:

MOTHER-IN-LAW:
When you rearrange the letters:
WOMAN HITLER

Told you I don’t agree with the last one. My MIL is the best!! Not a single Hitler bone in her for sure…

Cheerio…

My New Slogan

Emila had this cute slogan maker box over at the blog and I thought I’d give it a try and looky what I go!! Lolzz!!

Kids Will Do Anything For Ladyjava.

Enter a word for your own slogan:

Generated by the Advertising Slogan Generator. Get more ladyjava slogans.

LJ’s so lovable….

Oh how about this one for LJL?…

With A Name Like Ladyjava’s Lounge, It Has To Be Good.

Enter a word for your own slogan:

Generated by the Advertising Slogan Generator. Get more ladyjava’s lounge slogans.

Cheerio…

Now that's Filial Piety..

In life, we always strive to be the best of what we can. To be a good person, a good wife, a good mom, a good friend and most importantly a good child to your parents.

I may not be around for my mommy all the time but I try to call three times a week to just chat and find out how she is, what she’s up to and if there is anything that I can do although I am like thousands of miles away. After all that is the only mommy I’ve got and if I don’t try to make her life comfortable, who would right?

That being said, this is simply a great story too good to pass up… Enjoy :) …

An old Italian man lived alone in the country. He wanted to dig his tomato garden, but it was very hard work as the ground was hard. His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:

Dear Vincent,

I am feeling pretty badly because it looks like I won’t be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I’m just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. I know if you were here my troubles would be over. I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me.

Love, Dad

A few days later he received a letter from his son:

Dear Dad,

Don’t dig up that garden. That’s where I buried the bodies.

Love, Vinnie

At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left. That same day the old man received another letter from his son:

Dear Dad,

Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That’s the best I could do under the circumstances.

Love you, Vinnie……….

I told ya…

Tip to Stay Young!

Farah reminded me today is 29th February! Yes peeps… it’s a leap year this time around… so I just wanted to wish anyone who’s celebrating their birthday today… A HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! It will only come again in four years time ;)….

And as promised.. here’s a tip to stay young…

Cheerio…

Men Just Don't Listen., do they??

I just got to share this with my women readers.. And they say women never listens eh?… hahaha!

A man and his wife receive a letter from their daughter who went to study overseas:

My beloved Parents, I miss you so much. I don’t know when I’m coming home, but it seems not anytime soon. It breaks my heart to think that by the time I get back you’ll be too old. So enclosed you will find a bottle of a potion I have invented. It will make you young, so when I return you’ll be the same age as I left you.

NOTE: “Please take only one drop”

So they open the envelope and in it there is a bottle with a red potion.. The husband looks at the wife and says: “You go first.”

So the wife opens the bottle and takes a drop, there after the husband follows. Indeed they do turn 5 years younger.

A few years passes and the daughter returns home to find her mother young and beautiful, carrying a baby on her back. The mother proceeds to tell her daughter how the potion worked and made her look young.

The daughter is delighted and asks about her father.

“Your father, my child, got so jealous that I was young and beautiful so he drank the whole bottle.”

“So where is he?” the daughter asked

“Oh, that’s him I have on my back.”

Have a great Sunday everyone!
Cheerio…

A Poem for Sunday!

I got this cute poem in my mail today and truly believe if any hubby or boyfriend were to say this to you ladies, all I can say is, he had it coming..lolzz

He didn’t like the steak I made
And he didn’t like my cake.

He said my biscuits were too hard
Not like his mother used to make.

I didn’t prepare the coffee right
He didn’t like the stew,

I didn’t mend his socks
The way his mother used to do.

I pondered for an answer
I was looking for a clue.

Isn’t there anything I could do
To match his mothers shoe

Then I smiled as I saw the light
One thing I could definitely do

I turned around and slapped him tight…
Like his mother used to do!!!!!

I is for ........

I’ve been tagged with the “First Letter of Your Name Tag”. I’ve been eyeing this tag for some time now and am so glad when someone tag me with it.. So Jean, Terima Kasih (thank you) ya!

Here’s how it works:
Use the first letter of your name to answer each question. Must be places, names…Nothing made up. Can’t use own name for boy/girl’s name question. If can’t answer, skip to next one.

1. Famous Singer: Irene Cara
2. Four Letter Word: Idea
3. Street: ~
4. Colour: Indigo
5. Gifts/Present: Igloo (what do you mean, you don’t want one?)
6. Vehicle: IceBreaker
7. Things in Souvenir Shop: Ice Pick (like the one Sharon Stone used in Basic Instinct)
8. Boy Name: Ian
9. Girl Name: Ivy
10. Movie title: Independence Day
11. Drink: Ice cream soda
12. Occupation: Intern
13. Celebrity: Ike Turner (Thanks GK!)
14. Magazine: Insight
15. U.S. City: Idaho
16. Pro Sports: Ice Skating
17. Fruit: Indian Corn (maize)..hehe did not make this up ok..
18. Reason for Being Late to work: Illness
19. Something you throw away: Imperfect behaviour
20. Something you shout: Incredible!

I need help with the items in “~”, so if anyone can help it would be greatly appreciated. I’m really stumped ;)..hehehe

And now I tag, Farah and Juliana. Have fun peeps!!

Cheerio…

Online BackGammon Anyone??

During my last trip back to SG, I had a lots of time to spend time with relatives. My mom made sure we had plenty to do and visiting relatives was among one of them. It was fun catching up with my aunts and cousins and the nieces and nephews that have all grown up to be young men and ladies. In fact, some of them had babies of their own! (wah.. I so old already mah??)

It was especially great as I had the opportunity to meet up with a cousin of mine with whom I spent countless board games with when I was growing up. You know the likes of Scrabble, Monopoly and Checkers. It was fun reminiscing those good old days when we will squabble over who owns what and double score words. One game, however, that we never really played was BackGammon and upon spying one on her son’s shelf, we decided to give it a try. We did not know where to start but I remembered an online site that I’ve chanced upon before, that explained the rules and tips on how to play the game right. So after introducing her to all my blogs (hehe), we proceeded to the online backgammon site.

We both found the site useful and very informative. Like I said before, the site helped us to understand the game better and guess what, we found out that besides being able to download the game to play it offline, you can even earn money from this site by playing the game online.

So after spending some time at the site and feeling confident about the game, we proceeded with playing the game offline first. We messed up a bit but most importantly we both had the time of our life.

Now that I’m back home, this backgammon online site is definitely worth a revisit…join me??

Cheerio…

Items and their Gender

I got this in my mailbox today and thought it was a nice one to start Thursday with.

You’ve might not known these philosophy,
but a lot of non-living objects are actually either male or female.

FREEZER BAGS:
They are male, because they hold everything in, but you can see right through them.

PHOTOCOPIERS:
These are female, because once turned off, it takes a while to warm them up again. They are an effective reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed, but can also wreak havoc if you push the wrong buttons.

TYRE:
Tyre are male, because they go bald easily and are often over inflated.

HOT AIR BALLOONS:
Also a male object, because to get them to go anywhere, you have to light a fire under their a*s

SPONGES:
These are female, because they are soft, squeezable and retain water.

WEB PAGES:
Female, because they’re constantly being looked at and frequently getting hit on.

TRAINS:
Definitely male, because they always use the same old lines for picking up people.

EGG TIMERS:
Egg timers are female because, over time, all the weight shifts to the bottom.

HAMMERS:
Male, because in the last 5000 years, they’ve hardly changed at all, and are occasionally handy to have around.

THE REMOTE CONTROL:
Female. Ha! You probably thought it would be male, but consider this: It easily gives a man pleasure, he’d be lost without it, and while he doesn’t always know which buttons to push, he just keeps trying…

Any truth to these guys and girls??

Cheerio…

Best Google Ad

Nice “OO”…hehehe

A Friday Joke

I was cleaning out my email box and saw this particular joke and thought this was hilarious. There was actually an earlier version of this joke, but I can’t find it in my massive email. Am so glad now I can put this on my blog to share with you guys and also so that I don’t lose it!

UPGRADE FROM BOYFRIEND TO HUSBAND

Dear IT Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a slow down in the overall performance, particularly in the flower, gifts and jewellery applications that had operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 un-installed many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, but installed undesirable programs such as Formula One 5.0, NBA 3.0 and World Cup 2.0.

And now Conversation 8.0 no longer runs and House Cleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. I’ve tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?

Signed,
Desperate Housewife

Reply:
Dear Desperate Housewife,

First keep in mind:
Boyfriend 5.0 is an entertainment package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.

Try entering the command C:\ I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME and download Tears 6.2 to install Guilt 3.0.

If all works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

But remember, overuse can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Late Night Teh Tarik 6.1.

Late Night 6.1 is a very bad program that will create SnoringLoudly.wav files.

Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-Law 1.0 or reinstall another Boyfriend program. These are not supported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have a limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly.

You might consider additional software to improve memory and performance. I personally recommend Hot Tasty Food 3.0 and Tongkat Ali 6.9.

Good Luck,
IT Support

Hehehe.. now we know we live in an IT world…lolz ;-)

Why I Choose to Work from Home

I had worked in an office for most part of my life. Pushing papers from 9am to 6pm day in and day out. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed working back then and my boss was one fantastic boss. He was easy to work with and he was more like a friend than a boss.

What I don’t miss though is the early morning ride to work. Public transport is and will always be the best mode of transportation is Singapore to beat the morning jam. However, I had to take a feeder bus to the main road, then hop on a bus to town, then the MRT (train) to my office. It may sound tedious but it was alright. I got used to it and leaving the house at 6.50am was pretty reasonable. But I don’t miss it. Not one bit, and if what I read below was part of MY employment contract, I choose to work from home. Thank you ;-)

Spotted recently in an employment contract:

Dress Code

• It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary.
• If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.
• If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore do not need a raise.
• If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore do not need a raise.

Sick Days

• We will no longer accept a doctor’s statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

Personal Days

• Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday and Sunday.

Toilet Use

• Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet.
• There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls.
• At the end of the three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open and a picture will be taken.
• After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the “Chronic Offenders category”.
• Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sectioned under the company’s mental health policy!

Lunch Break

• Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.
• Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
• Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that’s all the time needed to drink a slim fast.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company.

We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.

The Management.

Your wish is my command..

“We are the genies. We will grant you a wish. Now, tell me what you want.”

“LadyJava wish for love, health, beauty and wealth for one and all.”

Alakazam !!! Wow! Genie King, Genie Princess and the Genie Buddy visited me in magic carpet and tonight and granted me with a wish.

The magic carpet is ready to ride. RunningMan, climb aboard and hang on tight for a fun flight with me. Up, up and away!!!

The Genie King, the Genie Princess and their trusty Genie Buddy have visited:

Mariuca would like to wish for success and fame.
Adrian would like to wish for good health and happiness.
Emila would like to wish for happiness and success.
MPG would like to wish for love and peace.
Jean would like to wish for stress-free work environment and happiness.
Bobby would like to wish for the powers of Superman and immortality.
Jesse would like a great isp and a Yummy box of chocolates
Trinity would like to wish good health for Jan’s brother and Yah and Wan and success.
Sam would like to wish for a happy & simple life and happiness to everyone.
Keeyit would like to wish for staying healthy and happily with family.
LadyJava would like to wish for love, health, beauty and wealth for one and all
Shopping-kids would like to wish for luck, success & happiness 4 family and friends!
Mumsgather would like to wish for love, health and happiness.
Forumer Wish for happiness, peace and justice for all.

Welcome aboard the Magical Flying Carpet for the Ride of your Life!

Alakazam!

Rules:

1. Write a short paragraph about your visit by the two Genies and include a link to the blog that passed on the Genie Symbol to you.
2. COPY the Rules and ENTIRE List and post it on your blog.
3. List down your wish.
4. Place your name below the last name on the list and pass on the Genie Symbol to at least 1 other blogger.
5. Please put up either one (or both) of the Symbols of the Genies on your blog to show that the Genies have visited your blog.

The secret to a happy marriage

Listen up women, I may just have found the secret to a happy marriage or so according to this email I got this morning..

A man and woman had been married for more than 60 years. They shared everything. They had talked about everything. They had kept no secrets from each other except that the little old woman had a shoe box in the top of her closet that she had cautioned her husband never to open or ask her about.

For all of these years, he had never thought about the box, but one day the little old woman got very sick and the doctor said she would not recover. In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man took down the shoe box and took it to his wife’s bedside.

She agreed that it was time that he should know what was in the box. When he opened it, he found two crocheted dolls and a stack of money totaling $95,000. He asked her about the contents. “When we were to be married,”she said, “my grandmother told me the secret of a happy marriage was to never argue. She told me that if I ever got angry with you, I should just keep quiet and crochet a doll.”

The little old man was so moved; he had to fight back tears. Only two precious dolls were in the box. She had only been angry with him two times in all those years of living and loving. He almost burst with happiness. “Honey,” he said, “that explains the doll, but what about all of this money? Where did it come from?”

“Oh,” she said, “that’s the money I made from selling the dolls.”

Do you agree folks?? hehehe…. i would die of stomach ulcers first… i think… lolzzz..

Seriously though, open communications has always been important to me and my hubby. Confrontation is sometimes the best way to get rid of unwanted feelings harboring in our hearts and poisoning the mind…So talk your heart out to your significant other and you’ll have a happier marriage… that’s our formula :-)

To a happier marriage… cheers!

Do you know:
There has been more skype download and voip phone sales than ever in the past 1 year. This is because voip fax and voip buster is somethign everyoe is aware of now, and wants to use it. The ip phones are all in rage now.